September Projects

I wondered whether or not to write this for quite some time. I mean Andy Mac is just to easy right? Well I can't stand it any longer. Have you seen this fool promoting his bullshit on the X-games? I mean his gear is the worst shit I have ever seen. Payless shoes, are you joking? These things are the worst kind of moon boots ever dreampt up and they are on every illegal Califorians little feet this back to school season. At the expense of your federal tax dollars no less. Your money is being spent on Andy Mac's pro shoe how does that make you feel? Terrible, I'm sure. His boards, God only knows who makes those but my guess is that they just might be manufactuer by someone in a land far far away. Everything from his goofy big horse teeth to his bad style and yellow helmet. Andy Mac is the worst skater of all time. That's a fact.

The pathetic turd known as Vallely Skateboards is done. You may equate this former company to other greats like Media, War Effort, and Lethol. While those other companies may suck too, mostly because of their sad and pathetic local team riders, Vallely Skateboards is a greater loss. Mike V. was a hero to many in 1989,much like Andrew Reynolds is know. People dressed like him, did his tricks, and tried to bite everything that was Mike V. What sets Mr. Vallely apart and what truly makes him the wonder that he is today, is that he is the only skateboarder, nevermind professional, the "only skateboarder" who has not learned a single trick since 1989. Amazing. Bravo Mike you suck! What's worse is now I have nothing even close to as shitty to compare Harold Skateboards to. Fuck you Mike thanks for ruining my fun.

I hate Canadians. There is one thing worse than Canadians though and that is the "worst" Canadian, Moses Itkonen. He was never good. How he has managed to milk skateboarding for so long is beyond me. He even had Duffs make him one of the most horrible looking skate boots ever. This joke has made a career out of halfcab noseslides, am I kidding, sadly no. Here is a list of some but not all of Moses' offenses, a large chain worn around neck with "Red Dragons" emblem on it, I figured the worst should go first, camo wifebeaters with matching pants and shoes, white cargo pants, park flyouts, goatee, fights like a pussy, horrible style, he is a Red Dragon, can do less tricks than the total number of years he has been pro. Moses, you suck.

Canadians suck. Firstly, they are pussies. They don't have an army but instead expect us to save there asses for them. Secondly, but related, they think they are tough, what a joke. I guess the 10 pussies in the Plan B video fighting the 1 man is fair. The best part is despite their superior numbers they still ran in to hit the guy and ran away before he could fight back. Anyway there are only a few Canucks that shouldn't be fenced out of the country and left to die. Rick Howard( good skater, OG Plan B), Tony Furgusson( old man but still shreds, nice guy), Colin McCay( maybe, maybe not), Mark Appleyard( one of the best, but somehow still guilty of the "Canadian Park Flyout"). Thirdly, the "Canadian Park Flyout", who the fuck does park flyouts? 7 year olds and God damned Canadians. Last but certainly least, the "Red Dragons" these guys suck. It is hard to imagine that one country could produce so many bland, handrail loving, stunt monkeys but Canada is up to the challenge. Maybe it's the maple syrup in there blood but are these guys serious? Moses, what a joke. Nice white cargo pants. Do another fs noseslide. Paul Machanu lost his motorcross bike and picked up a skateboard by mistake. The worst is Alex Chalmers. How does his guy have a pro model on Flip( Commies)? How did Alex Moul get kicked off and this Whiterock park turd replace him? God help us, no wonder these people think socialized medicine is a good idea. I don't even want to mention the rest of these jock, park kooks because they are so deplorable.

Is BMX the worst thing to ever happen to mankind? Do grown men look like homosexual retards sitting on an elaborate sexual contraption created by Satan himself? Are the ledges across the globe being destroyed by these locusts who watch skate videos learn about spots only to seek them out and destroy them with with their ugly ass tricks? Fuck those dicks. If you see a BMWer at your spot kick them in their nuts and send them on their way. Don't support bike shops that sell skateboards, they are liars. If they liked skateboarding they would pop bikers tires and send those jocks home.

Arty says, "Asshole!" Bro however feels, "Ed is my vegan brother and we are linked forever by our unstable stool and hostile flatulents. I love him like a brother." No word as of yet whether Arty and Bro will be able to see past this difference of opinion. Is Ed's anti-american view of the world the real reason Coliseum is anti-Ed?